Keeping Score and Falling Behind

I like to keep score and I like to win. None of this “we’re all winners,” or “I’ll just give you that point,” or “hey, go easy on the kid he’s only six years old,” nonsense. I like to win.

This used to be true of relationships. I kept a mental scoreboard of nice things I’d done for people. When I was ahead on friend points I felt secure, when I fell behind I got anxious. I got into relationships with guys just because they really really liked me and that meant that I wouldn’t have to exhaust myself making them happy. (For a complete list of reasons why I spent years dating guys I didn’t like see appendix A.) When friends celebrated my birthday I’d always think “how the heck am I supposed to top this for their birthday?”

But of course I outgrew this neurotic unhealthy relationship style because I’m a mature and well-adjusted adult. When my friends volunteered to throw me a baby shower I barely even considered faking my own death.

Like I said, I was pretty much over this. Until I turned into the pathetic sad sack that is Pregnancy Laura. My new desire to sit listlessly on the couch staring at my own hands for hours severely limits my ability to keep up. I lack the ability to earn “friend points” and I’m constantly cashing them in. I burn through points when I skip social events, doze off during conversations, talk about myself too much etc. Mostly I tell myself that it’s not a big deal, my friends understand. And there’s the sneaky voice in my head that whispers “you’ll catch up on points later.”

Then there’s my husband Shane. I rely on him entirely. If it weren’t for him I’d be eating microwave dinners every evening. Dishes would never get done. I’d stay up late at night just sitting around thinking about how sleepy I am. He is constantly taking care of me and it makes me feel sick and worried like a shopping addict with major credit card debt.

I got home from work one evening and he’d already made dinner. He told me to take a nap and then he made cookies for my book group because he knew that otherwise I would run around the kitchen in a pointless exhausting frenzy. I tried to think of how I could possibly repay him and I came up with absolutely nothing.

It was liberating. 

I couldn’t do anything but say thank you and he knew it. Giving a backrub, running an errand for him, watching a movie he picked--none of that was going to happen in the near future. He did me a favor knowing that I couldn’t repay him. He didn’t expect repayment. He just wanted me happy.

I remembered why keeping score is selfish. Instead of giving genuine kindness I tried to settle an imaginary score. I projected my insecurities onto others and underestimated their motivations. People in my life are amazing and I can rely on them to stay amazing even when I’m tired or grumpy or antisocial.

I don’t have to score points. I won when I found a husband and friends who just want me to be happy.

So you want to watch Doctor Who?

So your friends are geeking out about the new season of Doctor Who. They insist that you have to see it but the show looks strange and confusing. On top of that you’re not even sure where to start. That’s where this handy guide comes in.

Before we begin you should know a little about what you’re getting into. Doctor Who started in the sixties as a television series about a time traveling alien who liked to bring human companions along in his spaceship for shenanigans. The alien is called the Doctor, his spaceship is a blue police box called the TARDIS, and his species is time lord.

This is exactly the sort of shenanigan you can expect.

Instead of dying like humans do, time lords regenerate (code for turns into a new actor.) So when people talk about their favorite doctor they’re really talking about their favorite actor. The old Doctor Who that ran from 1963-1989 had eight Doctors. The series rebooted in 2005 and picked up with the Ninth Doctor. (For a list of the series in order visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Doctor_Who_serials)

Since you don’t want to start watching in the middle of a storyline, it’s best to start with a new regeneration. Most storylines wrap up when one actor leaves and a new actor takes his place. Often the human companions stay the same for a season or two to help the audience transition to a new Doctor. Each actor brings different characteristics to the role and the writers frequently change so if you don’t like one Doctor you should still give the next one a try. Despite these changes remember that the Doctor is always the same man.

Option 1: The Ninth Doctor, Season 1 Episode 1 “Rose.”

If you’re patient and you don’t mind cheesiness then start with the 2005 reboot. I didn’t like it at first because...well...it’s strange. Now I love it the way a mother loves an ugly child, but at the time I arched an eyebrow and shook my head while silently mouthing “no.” By the time I made it to the third episode I found myself strangely entranced. It’s a show with plot holes big enough to drive a monster truck through, the CGI is ridiculous, and the bad guys are just robots with toilet plungers for arms. Yet there’s this touching optimism to it. Underlying every episode is the belief that humans are extraordinary, each of us is capable of heroism, and that we are worth fighting for. So give this season a fair chance.

Intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism--that the Ninth Doctor in a nutshell.

Option 2: The Tenth Doctor, Christmas Special “The Christmas Invasion.”

This is my favorite Doctor. He’s simultaneously goofy and dramatic. His seasons are unskippable. If you just can’t make it through the Ninth Doctor then this is a good place to start. It’s less cheesy, and the adventures are just cool, and funny, and sad, and all the emotions at once. If you suspend your disbelief you will go on a journey my friend.

Just roll with it

When I was going through a rough time with some medical issues I rewatched all of the Tenth Doctor’s episodes. I don’t watch a lot of television so it took me months to get through them. It did exactly what you want television to do: distract you for a short time and leave you genuinely happier than you were before. I credit the Tenth Doctor with dispelling much of the gloom that I was carrying around with me then.

Wedding or no wedding we have to save the world!

Option 3: The Eleventh Doctor, Season 5 Episode 1 “The Eleventh Hour.”

The Eleventh doctor is dapper.

Maybe you’re not interested in watching the whole series. Maybe you just want to catch up on the most recent Doctor. That’s fine. As always you can just start with a new doctor, blank slate. It’s a tone shift from the previous seasons since they have a new head writer. The optimism is still there, but there are fewer happy endings. It’s also the least cheesy and the plots are a bit tighter. So even if Nine and Ten weren’t your style you should still give Eleven a shot.

Charming and scary all at once.

Option 4: The First Doctor, Season 1 Episode 1, “An Unearthly Child.”

This one is for crazy completionists. It starts in the 60’s, the show is still in black and white, some of the episodes are lost, and Netflix plays them all out of order. If you absolutely love the show then go ahead and go back to the very beginning of Doctor Who, but I don’t recommend starting here.

Option 5: The Twelfth Doctor, Season 8 Episode 1, “Deep Breath”

This doctor seems a touch darker.

It premiers on August 23rd, 2014. We saw a glimpse of this Doctor during the big fiftieth anniversary episode, but he still remains a mystery. We know that this Doctor is older, less goofy, probably a bit darker. I’m excited to see a new Doctor, but it always takes me a few episodes to accept that this is really him.

This is an excellent place to start, you’ll be current, you can talk about it with your friends, and you can always go back and watch the older series later if you wish.

Whatever you choose, go in with the expectation that it will slowly make you a happier person.

Guardians of the Galaxy

I did it. I actually saw a movie on opening weekend. To celebrate my trendy, cutting-edge pop culture sensibilities I present to you the following movie review. You’re welcome.

It was just fun.  Peter Quill/Star-Lord doesn't carry all the baggage of an A-list superhero so he's free to be goofy, charming, and kind of almost inspirational. Everyone in his team of misfits felt like a real person, including the giant tree and the talking squirrel.

The plot never took itself too seriously and it stayed easy to follow without being simplistic. The soundtrack played a major role in the story and it was perfection. The dialogue was immediately quotable: “Metaphors would go right over his head.” “Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast.”

Guardians of the Galaxy gave me everything I hoped it would. In the end I didn't even care that characters could survive briefly in space by wearing a special space mask. I didn't care that they gave us one token female with frequent shots of her butt. I didn't care that about the underdeveloped bad guy and his inefficient scheme to destroy a planet. I just enjoyed myself and let Marvel Comics charm me with this clever, goofy, and surprisingly tender action movie.

P.S. I saw the poster for LUCY. The "fact" about humans only using 10% of our brains made me froth at the mouth. OH MY GOODNESS just point to a part of the brain and I will tell you what we're using it for. It's not like 90% of the brain is just sitting there all limp and useless. You know this, and I know this, so why do writers feel like they can base a movie around this myth?