Most of what I knew about pregnancy came from television
and movies. I never believed that I would one day be an actual adult in an
actual marriage having actual babies so I didn’t make an effort to educate
myself. However, I was always a media-savvy kid so I picked up quite a bit
about the miracle of life through pop culture. There are three ways this can go
down.
Totes Adorbs
Comedy
We start with our
protagonist vomiting into the toilet. In the next scene we jump to footage of
the woman putting her hand over her stomach as the mystical realization dawns
on her I’m going to be a mother. This pregnancy will no doubt come as a
complete shock, maybe she never wanted kids, but eventually she rallies and
decide that she’s up to the challenge.
Then it’s time to tell the partner. He’s probably a
boyfriend who’s not sure if he’s ready for the responsibility/ a loving husband
who will probably die. If the woman doesn’t have a suitable partner at the
beginning of the film she’ll find one by the end because movies aimed at women
MUST include a romantic arc. Nevermind that she’s uncomfortable and grumpy and
doesn’t have time to pursue a relationship, somehow she finds true love.
Pregnancy romance is a real genre. People buy these books. On purpose.
This partner frets constantly about her health while making
a 2AM grocery trip to buy bizarre combinations of junk food. By now the film
has skipped straight to the dramatic third trimester so they can show her being
huge and “cute.” Also, the audience learns of a major event looming on the
horizon like a big business meeting or an emotionally fraught family reunion.
If there is no such event foreshadowed then you can expect someone to die,
emphasizing the connection between birth and death.
The woman attends a birthing class, hijinks ensue.
Something trivial like a mistaken coffee order will make her completely lose it
in public. Her personal and professional relationships start to unravel.
Never fear, the big foreshadowed event arrives and it’s her
chance to fix whatever’s broken in her life. But oh no! Her water broke at the
worst possible moment. Her loved ones gather around her and whisk her off
to the hospital and all is forgiven.
The delivery itself features glass shattering screams and
demonic moans. She will inevitably yell to her partner “You did this to me!”
She carries on until every girl in the audience vows to never bear
children.
Then it’s over! a beautiful, clean, three month old baby is
placed in the mother’s arms. In that tender moment her personal and plot
conflicts are all resolved as she realizes that her life will never be the same
again. Having a baby fixes everything. Roll credits.
So that’s the happy and normal portrayal of pregnancy and
birth. Cutesy and totally disconnected from reality, but at least it puts a
positive spin on things. At least it’s not…
Gritty and Inspirational
The expectant mother
is probably a teenager, or homeless, or dating an abusive drug addict. Either
way she’s in trouble. Her partner kicks her out, her family provides zero help,
but she may have some helpful girlfriends to give sassy-yet-insightful advice.
She decides not to have an abortion
because then we don’t have our inspirational pregnancy story. She considers
adoption, but the writers want this to be super-extra inspiring so the woman
decides against all odds that she’s keeping her baby. She doesn’t have a steady
job or access to childcare but all she needs is love. Lucky for her, this is a
movie.
At first she struggles to survive on the streets. The audience sees her
gradually make some responsible choices like talking with a social worker or
interviewing for minimum wage jobs. Heart wrenching setbacks precede heroic
efforts until she’s almost cobbled together a stable life for her unborn child.
But wait! At the last moment her sure-thing-perfect job falls through and now the
social worker can’t help her.
Now that everything is awful again the woman gives birth. Screams, drama,
pain...really emphasize that pain. Once again the beautiful, clean, three month
old baby is placed in her arms. Help comes from an unexpected quarter and fixes
her financial problems. Everything is going to be ok and she knows that her
life has been changed forever. The end.
While that pregnancy
story is terrible, it’s nothing compared to…
Mystical Pregnancy in Speculative Fiction
The chosen hero foretold in prophecy ain’t gonna gestate
himself. The woman likely got pregnant through magic, mad science, or
midichlorians. If not then the father is royalty or has some supernatural
power. Occasionally that supernatural father is literally the devil, setting up
the story for some demon baby horror.
If the “father” is human or some benevolent force then the woman will probably
struggle through a long and difficult pregnancy all alone and gives birth to
our hero in the desert. If she doesn’t die tragically in childbirth then she’ll
probably kick the bucket early in her son’s lifetime so that he can be raised
by monks or wizards.
If the “father” is essentially evil then lookout. The pregnancy itself might
take only a few days, giving the woman no time to prepare for her precious
bundle of supernatural joy. If the baby is evil then the heroes kill it, if
it’s benign then a plot device will come and make it disappear. Either
way the whole process of pregnancy and birth will be disgusting, life-threatening,
and completely out of the woman’s control. Not to worry though, this is just a
throw-away episode, next time we see her she’s recovered emotionally and her
abs and flat once more.
Well...that’s a special kind of awful.
My Reality
Obviously some pregnancy stories are better than others.
Yet even the over-the-top saccharine comedies show pregnancy as this out
of control experience that ends in unbelievable pain. It’s something that happens
to women, not something that women do. It’s a small but significant
difference. When you do something you have power. When something happens
to you then you’re just a passive victim of biology. Sorry honey, take it
up with God.
But that’s a lie.
My pregnancy is so much better than expected. Yes. I’m unusually emotional,
desperately tired, and ravenously hungry. But I chose this. I’m in charge of
this process. When I watch real-life birthing videos I see women who are doing
something that hurts, something hard. But they’re doing it. The action
comes from strength not helplessness.
This isn’t an endorsement of natural childbirth, and it isn’t a condemnation of
Hollywood. It’s just a reminder that pregnancy is like the rest of life--so
much better than television told us it would be.
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