Most Writing Advice is Garbage

I am not a published author. I’m not an expert on “the market,” and I still make embarrassing mistakes with my own novels. However, I’ve read roughly one jillion books full of writing advice, so I can safely call myself an expert on reading books about writing.

When I was a teenager I read any advice I could get. It turns out that most how-to-write books are written by college professors or authors who’ve published only one book. It took my adolescent self years to figure out that while they had a few helpful tips, there were much better guides out there. So after years of reading I’ve concluded that there are only three kinds of writing books that are actually worth your time.

1. How-to books written by an author you already know and like.

2. Reference Books.

3. The books that focus on the big picture.

How-to books written by an author you already know and like.

This bit is pretty obvious. If you have a favorite author and that author wrote a book on writing then by all means, read that book. Don’t worry that it’ll make your style too similar to theirs; everyone unconsciously imitates everyone and yet everyone comes up with something utterly unique. What really matters is improving your craft, and books written by the best will do that for you. Some books written by popular writers include:

One of the first good how-to guides I ever picked up. It has your basic genre conventions and it gives you a good map of Sci Fi/Fantasy. I was a big Orson Scott Card fan when I was younger so I took his advice seriously.

This one is a podcast, not a book. Each podcast covers a different topic and you benefit from the advice of three (now four) successful artists.  Not only do I learn a great deal about writing, but I find that listening weekly keeps me focused on my goals.

This one is still on my "to-read" list. Ray Bradbury is my writing hero. He wrote every dang day and he left behind a staggering body of excellent work. He's a big believer in working hard but working smart. His writing advice is always clear and useful.

The books you use as a reference.

I rely more on google than I do on actual books. But articles won't give you the same depth that books can. If I were writing about an unfamiliar time or setting, then you’d better believe that I’d be devouring books on the subject. If my main character were a heart surgeon, computer hacker, or a Mexican immigrant crossing the border, then that would require a book or two so I could give the character depth without embarrassing myself.

But I don’t keep a copy of Strunk and White’s Elements of Style on my desk. In fact, I just keep one reference book regularly on my desk.

Sometimes I notice that all of my character clench their fists when they get angry and bit the inside of their cheeks when they hold back a comment. When this happens I go to the emotion thesaurus and they give me some useful alternates to fist clenching and cheek biting.

Reference websites I frequently use:

• Every writer needs a list of names. For Americans I recommend searching baby names by year. But for characters from elsewhere you need a broader database where you can search by country of origin.

• Need to describe the facial features of an Ecuadorian woman? A Chinese man? It helps to have a picture. The Face of Tomorrow gives you several composite pictures of faces from around the world.

• Keeping Your Fantasy Armies a Little Less Fantastic is a useful tool if you're constructing a pre-industrial revolution army.

• Google Translate I need it for fantasy spells, because not every ritual sacrifice is written in English.

A word of caution. There is such a thing as too much research--namely when you start to use it as a procrastination technique to avoid the real work of writing. Ask yourself if you really need to know the mating patterns of the slender-spined porcupine fish in order to write a steamy love scene between those two marine biologists.

The books that focus on the big picture.

These are the books you come back to again and again. These are the books that you recommend to beginners and experts alike. For me, I use STORY by Robert McKee. It was written specifically for playwrights, but the principles are universal.

My personal favorite.

A truly excellent how-to guide focuses on the plot as a whole. Does it make sense? Does every scene move forward? Do your characters grow every time we see them? Does it build to a satisfying conclusion?

Books with a big-picture view of writing often seem like a waste of time because they tell you things that you already know. This is a good thing because writing isn’t a secret, we all know how, it’s a matter of execution. Just having all of the “obvious truths” laid out in a sensible roadmap makes a huge difference.

On the other hand, some authors attempt to dazzle you with writing secrets. They resort to listing their highly specific pet peeves. They want you to sneer at anyone who uses the word “fewer” when they should say “less.” While these tips are accurate and useful, they don’t tell you anything that a quick google search couldn’t.  More importantly, it’s the sort of thing you don’t need to worry about until the final draft. Nitpicky little grammar tips never created an outstanding novel.

A Final Word

Writing isn’t a mystery. It’s just hard work. Natural ability has less to do with it than being a lifelong reader. People who don’t read for fun can’t write books that other people will enjoy. I’ve seen it attempted. It’s not pretty. How-to-write books are nice but reading for pleasure is essential.

Costa Rica

Well, this post practically writes itself. I slap a few pictures up here, give you a brief itinerary, and bada-bing-bada-boom* we're done. It'll be easier than coming up with an original metaphor to describe how easy this blog post is.

As you may recall from previous posts, my husband Shane and I went to Costa Rica. At his urging I only packed four books. After finishing one and a half books on the flight I got that panicky feeling you get when you remember that you left your toothbrush at home and what if they don't have toothbrushes there? What if the plane crashes? What if you're stranded on one of those islands made of plastic garbage floating in the ocean without a toothbrush? What if your teeth rot away? How will they identify your body without your teeth?

Then I remembered that Shane packed a few books of his own and I calmed down.

We checked into our hotel, opened the windows and...

Behold the majesty of Arenal Volcano

The picture doesn't do it justice because Shane and I are both lousy photographers. But trust me, it was a big deal.

We spent our first evening swimming and generally marveling at the fact that it wasn't cold. The sensation of not-coldness was stunning enough that it dominated our conversation for the evening.

And then there was the wildlife. It wasn't even that wild, it was just chilling by the hotel, no big deal. But to us we're all like "What is it? It's a wingless bird? Is it a kiwi? Why is there a kiwi in Costa Rica? Does New Zealand know that Costa Rica stole its bird?"

Pretty sure it's not a kiwi...but still suspicious.

And then there's whatever this is. Just a family of cute badger-like creatures with monkey tails. Wikipedia tells me that they are called Coati. 

Kind of like a red panda with an upturned snout.

So the next day we adventured out to a cocoa plantation to see how chocolate is made.

How do I get to the delicious chocolate bit?

Shane busted the cocoa pod open and revealed cocoa beans. After a fermentation process, grinding, mashing, and mixing, they will be dark and delicious. Shane drank some straight chocolate mixed with black pepper, chili pepper, and cornstarch. I had just a sip and it was a kick in the head. Apparently the royal family drank eight goblets a day of the stuff.

Cocoa pod full of cocoa beans

Then we went down to a nearby town for some lunch. It was beautiful and very tourist friendly. However, the nice men with guns won't let you into a bank unless you have your passport with you so we weren't able to withdraw the local currency. Everywhere we went they took dollars but using colones would've been cheaper.

I ordered bottled water and something prepackaged. Shane ordered a meat sandwich. Shane lived to regret that decision.

The lovely little town where Shane ate a demon sandwich.

I've never had food poisoning in a big way. I once drank milk that expired a day ago and I had to lie down for the afternoon. That's about it.

So you can imagine my alarm when my husband violently retched into the toilet at 1 AM. The vomiting I understood. The shakes and chills I did not. I looked up the symptoms on WebMD and concluded that he had a rare strain of malaria--something that's still a danger in CR--and I was ready to take him to the hospital. He told me to give him some more time to recover. I bit my lip and imagined what my life would be like if those were the last words he ever said to me.

Two hours later the demon sandwich was done with him, leaving him sleep deprived and weak. The force of the projectile vomiting screwed up his back in a way that took weeks to recover from; but that didn't stop him from hopping in the saddle the next day for some horseback riding.

His horse had the crazy eyes

And then there was the zip-lining over the jungle...

Superman.

And then down the waterslide...

Seriously man, this is vacation. Take a break.

And then that same evening we hiked up the volcano.

This volcano is serious business. It's been quiet since 2010, but it once killed 87 people.

The next day we spent five hours on a shuttle to the beach.  By the time we got there we were exhausted. But at least we made new friends...

Lizard friends.

Our new hotel was right by the beach, but we had to walk up and down a killer hill to get there. Between that and all the travel we were pretty beat. So after playing in the ocean for a while we sat on a bench in the shade. We sat and watched the waves. And sat. And sat. 

Around noon we went back to the hotel for a siesta. I slept for hours while Shane watched the fifth and sixth Harry Potter movies in Spanish.

At last it was time to leave, but not without one last look outside our balcony.

For the record, I read all the books I packed and then most of the books Shane packed as well. Good day reader.

Why We Need Average

So maybe you’ve heard about the new “average barbie.” Maybe you’ve heard about the surprisingly vehement backlash against it. Maybe you don’t care. I didn’t.

It's weird that so many people think this is weird.

I gave up on dolls a long time ago. They’re good toys for storytelling and imaginative play, but the dolls you see in any given Wal-Mart encourage stories about hair salons, princesses, and baking. I played princess games. There’s nothing wrong with pretending to be a princess, and dressing up for a ball, and marrying a prince, then forcing the evil witch to wear hot iron shoes while dancing at your wedding. Like I said, I love a good princess story, but your life is narrow if it’s the only story you have.

I love these movies, still waiting for the hot-iron shoes though.

I preferred to make lego houses with little lego dragons and their dragon dynasties and dragon wars over star-crossed dragon lovers. Without a specific script like “Barbie goes to the beach” I had a lot more room for imaginative play. With that in mind I planned on giving my future kids stuffed animals and letting them do their storytelling games with those.

Ok, remember that because we’re moving on to the present day now.

Last week I was in Costa Rica (details on that next week.) I was at the pool having a fabulous time after a long, cold winter. Finally I could be outside without a million layers, it was just me and the water. I laughed and swam a few laps.

A few clusters of women took their stations by the beach chairs and laid out in the sun. I didn’t notice them until I got out of the pool. There was nothing strange about them, but my reaction to them startled me.

They look like me.

They’re shaped the same way I am.

I had forgotten what women actually look like.

After a winter without seeing another woman’s body except on television or advertisements I had subconsciously bought the lie. On some level I believed that the photoshopped pictures were real and that I was the only female on earth with a belly that curves out instead of in. Without realizing it I allowed the media to tell me a story: This is what women look like. You don't look like that. There's something wrong with you. Go buy something to fix it.

I have no idea what's happening here, but it's going to turn into either a threesome or a bloody-knuckled fistfight.

Toys tell stories too. 

Disney princess movies are fun. Barbie dolls do not herald the coming of the apocalypse. Yet in a society where girls think they're fat at age 9 (or much younger in many cases,) it's foolish to believe that these icons don't influence kids.  What will they believe about their bodies if their human-shaped toys are shaped like an even sexier hollister model?

My future kids will need dolls the same way a lion cub needs insects to stalk and pounce on. Dolls encourage kids to develop the scripts that they’ll use in school, at work, during courtship, and with their families. It’s one of the most powerful forms of storytelling.

Stories are often stronger than truth. Sometimes we forget to look at real people. Don’t let their only stories be tales about impossibly skinny, white, princesses.